Skip to content
If you are in crisis or having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988, any time.
For the last days

What comforts them, on one page

A short list of what soothes the person you are caring for, and what to keep away. Fill it in with them, in their words, while they can still tell you. Then print it and keep it by the bed, so every visitor, nurse and aide does the same thing.

Tap what fits and leave the rest. Ask; don’t guess. If they can no longer answer, fill it in from what you know of them, and say so on the sheet. Answers can change, so come back to it.

What you choose here stays in this browser on this device. Nothing is sent. Print it, or clear it when you are done.

1. Pain and staying alert

Some people want pain fully treated even if it makes them sleepier. Others want to stay as alert as they can, even with some pain. Ask which matters more to them, and tell the hospice nurse, who can adjust the plan.

2. Sound

Talk to them, not about them, even when they no longer answer.

No one knows for sure what a person hears near the end. A small 2020 study recorded brain responses to sound in hospice patients who had become unresponsive, and most responded much as healthy young people did. The authors concluded that hearing “may indeed be one of the last senses to lose function.” It does not show that the words were understood.

Blundon, Gallagher and Ward, Scientific Reports, 2020 (doi:10.1038/s41598-020-67234-9).

3. Light and the room

Small things in the room are easy to get right once someone has asked.

4. Touch

Ask before you assume. Some people want their hand held; some want to be left alone.

Hands and feet often feel cool near the end. The National Institute on Aging advises against electric blankets, which can get too hot. Turning someone, mouth care and anything about food or fluids follow what the hospice team has shown you.

5. Smell and taste

A favourite smell, or a small taste of something loved, can matter more than a meal.

Never push food or drink. If swallowing is hard, ask the nurse before offering anything by mouth. No candles or open flame near oxygen.

6. People

Who is in the room is a choice to ask about, not assume. It may not be the people you expect, and that is not a sign of a broken family.

The man Dan Ariely accompanied chose a friend for his last days, not his family. He wanted to learn and talk, and did not want old photos or to watch his children and grandchildren grieve.

From Ariely’s End of Life: Lesson 3, September 2026. One person’s account, not a rule.

7. Still good, and still to do

Once the big decisions are made, many people find their attention can move off what is failing and onto what is still good. Make room for it, and for anyone they still want to see.

Dan Ariely describes a man with advanced cancer whose days got markedly better once his end-of-life plans were fixed. His attention moved off the parts of his body that were failing and onto what was still good: coffee, walks, talk. Ariely links this to Laura Carstensen’s research: when people see their time as limited, they put emotionally meaningful goals first, and older adults tend to attend more to positive than negative information.

From Ariely’s End of Life: Lesson 1, August 2026. Carstensen, Isaacowitz and Charles, American Psychologist, 1999 (doi); Mather and Carstensen, Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 2005 (doi).

8. Dignity and privacy

When doulas were asked what a good death is, keeping bodily dignity was one of the answers they agreed on.

Ariely asked about 100 end-of-life doulas what a good death is. Their answers agreed on four parts: no pain, bodily dignity, being surrounded by love, and leaving a legacy. He later added a fifth, trust.

From Ariely’s What My Mother Taught Me About the End of Life, June 2025.

9. Faith and meaning

Some people want a faith leader, a ritual or a reading; some want none. Ask, and ask what should happen in the first hour after.

10. Keep away

What not to do is as useful as what to do, and easier to forget.

Comfort sheet

This is what prints. It shows only what you chose.

Nothing chosen yet.

Next

For what you may notice in the last days, and when to call the nurse: the last weeks and days at home. To put their wider wishes in writing: CareGoals. If you are a doula: the vigil and comfort presence.

Where this comes from

General information, not medical advice. Anything about medicine, oxygen, food, fluids, turning or a change in condition belongs to the hospice or care team. In a crisis, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 911.