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After a death

Grief is not a problem to fix. But you do not have to carry it alone.

If someone you love has died, here is what is usually true about grief, when it is worth asking for more help, and where to find a person. We do not provide grief counseling. We point to people who do.

For most people, grief eases with time.
When it does not, that is a reason to ask for help, not a failing.
None of this has to be finished this month.

Usually true

Grief is the normal response

  • Grief is a natural response to the loss of someone close. It is not a disorder.
  • For most people the intensity softens over time and daily life stays possible, usually without mental health treatment.
  • Support groups are one of the approaches the American Psychiatric Association lists. Many hospice groups are open to any adult who has lost someone.
Worth asking for more help

When it is not easing

  • Prolonged grief disorder is a recognized, treatable condition: intense, lasting longing for the person that still disrupts daily life at least a year after the death (adults).
  • The APA estimates 4% to 15% of bereaved adults have it.
  • Approaches with evidence behind them include cognitive behavioral therapy, online programs and support groups. Ask your doctor or a therapist. Only a clinician can say whether it applies to you.
  • If you are thinking of ending your life, call or text 988, any hour.

The first days ask for some things. The first year asks for others.

Read only the tab you need today. The rest is here when you come back. Ticks are kept on this phone only.

Where to find a person

Four places, starting with the closest.

  1. The hospice that cared for them. Federal rules require it to make bereavement services available to the family and others in its plan for up to a year after the death. Many describe this as 13 months. It is part of the hospice benefit.
  2. Any hospice near you, even if your person was never a patient. Some run grief groups for anyone in the community. One example: a workshop open to any adult who has recently lost someone, whether or not that person was a patient. This is each hospice’s choice, not a rule, so call and ask.
  3. For a child or teen: the Dougy Center keeps a worldwide directory of peer support programs for grieving children, teens, young adults and families.
  4. Your own clinician, if a year has passed and the weight is not lifting, or sooner if you cannot get through your days.

What to ask when you call

A hospice grief line is used to these calls. You do not need to explain yourself.

  1. Do you run grief groups for people whose loved one was not your patient?
  2. Is there a cost, and does anyone have to sign up in advance?
  3. When and where do they meet, and is there an online option?
  4. Is there anything for children or teens in our family?
  5. If I do not fit the group, can you point me to someone who does?

Where this comes from

Normal grief, the one-year threshold, the 4%–15% estimate and the treatments listed: American Psychiatric Association, Prolonged Grief Disorder. Hospice bereavement services for up to one year after the death: 42 CFR §418.64(d). The 13-month description and the point that Medicare-benefit support is for families of hospice patients: CaringInfo, Bereavement Care. An example of a community grief workshop open to non-patients: Community Hospice. Children and teens: The Dougy Center.

This page is general information, not medical advice or a diagnosis. Quality Death does not run grief groups or provide counseling; we have not vetted every program you may find, so use the questions above.